Hills to Die On

I don’t often pick hills to die on.  More often than not I protect my energy and save it for worthy causes, move on with what I know I can count on. 

There was that one time in 2007 when I took my landlady to the rentals man for not giving my damage deposit back.  I won, but after I paid all the legal filing fees, I think I got about $90 back.  It wasn’t really about the money - it was the principal.  I was an amazing tenant - probably the best she ever had at Ave Q North in Saskatoon.

The other was when I applied for COVID19 relief during the worldwide pandemic…

Well, I just finished paying that back.  

I still think they are wrong.  They should have given me that money.  And if it happened again, if I needed the money to support my family, I would do it again.

You see, in and around mid 2019 I had to get a second job waitressing on top of my full time legal assistant position that I had been working for the past 16 years. 

My ex-husband was going through something and his inability or unwillingness to work was going to bankrupt us.  

I did what I needed to do.

As you can imagine, this eventually broke up our marriage.  He left and I took on full responsibility for the household.  No child support or spousal support. 

That was okay because I could do it.  I had two jobs, and I was making ends meet... barely.

Then the pandemic struck.  

I lost my job serving tables when the restaurants shut down.

I realize that they had very specific rules for applying for CERB, however, both jobs I had been working had been taking EI off my cheques, one for 16 years.  

I figure, if there was ever a good time for me to get a bit of that money back, a worldwide pandemic seems like a pretty damn good time.

The government had different ideas, and I had to pay all of it back - and I have - because I am good like that.

But I see a huge flaw in the system.  Had I been living with my husband and lost my serving job as my only job - the government would have granted me CERB.  But since I was one person being both mom and dad, playing two roles, doing what I needed to do to support my family - I was penalized.  

In what world can one job support a family anymore?

I am currently on my 4th appeal, I doubt I will win this one.

I did what I had to do and despite what the government decides - morally, I was in the right.  I did what I needed to do to support my family, and I would do it again.  

I have paid thousands of dollars into an employment insurance program that would not support me when the entire globe was shut down.  That’s a pretty clever underwriter if you ask me. 

For now, I paid them back and moved on.  I will never be a victim to any system.  But I see the cracks, and one day they will burst open, and the truth will come spilling through.  

Till that day comes, I shrug my shoulders, redirect my energy and keep on keeping on, leaning into what I love and creating a beautiful life for myself and my family.

To see where I have redirected my energy and what I am creating now, please check out Intentions Yoga.

“Approvals and demonstrations seldom accompany inner decisions. Celebrations rarely surround choices to follow personal truth. In fact, quite the contrary. Not only may others fail to celebrate, they may actually subject you to ridicule. What? You’re thinking for yourself? You’re deciding on your own? You’re applying your own yardsticks, your own judgments, your own values? Who do you think you are, anyway?” 

-Conversations with God Book 1 Neale Donald Walsch.