Permaculture Sucks, I'm Going Back to Grass

10 years ago I created a permaculture food forest in my back yard along with my now ex-husband and a group of permaculture enthusiasts.  If you are not aware of what permaculture is, it is a design science for human yards and farms that mimics the cycles of nature and creates a circular structure where nothing is wasted.

The design involves cutting paths that are called swales to channel the water throughout the design that is creatively planted with perennial fruit trees that avoid having to disturb the soil to grow our food, various herbs, medicinal plants and native species to allow for suitable homes for the native insects.

On paper this looks like a paradise oasis.  And for a moment or two it truly was.  The massive yard transformation took place over one day.  But the continual upkeep was left to me and me alone.  Any grandiose plans I had of me and my ex somehow bonding over this food forest slowly dwindled.

One of the main design products that were used in the creation of this forest is wood chips, and wood chips quickly break down leaving behind very inviting soil to all the extremely invasive urban pioneer species, think quack grass and bell flower.  For the first few years we would simply haul mountains and mountains of mulch into the paths renewing the forest and making it habitable, or at the very least, walkable for humans.  

This mulch hauling is definitely a 2 person job.  And while my ex would not spend the hours upon hours of weeding and tending that I did - he would at least help haul the giant piles of mulch into the swales.  

I had read that this design science offered a one stop shop - a way to create a design that did not require a ton of human input after being established and that weeding would be minimal.  

Had anyone told me - and perhaps they did - that there will always be quack grass and there will always be weeding I would not have believed them.  I thought I knew better.

 This was a lesson I had to learn myself.

5 years ago my ex left and that left me to haul the mulch all by myself.

The first year he was gone, I did what I always did and got a giant pile of utility mulch delivered to the front yard….and it sat

Through one summer….

And then another.

From the years 2020 - 2025 the forest sat basically unmaintained by myself.  Having one full time job, plus starting my own business, as well as going through an exceptionally dramatic dark night of the soul and complete restructuring of my ego, there was not much energy left for my beloved food forest.

I remember trying to prune my cherry trees through tears.

What happened I wondered…where did my energy go? I felt so disconnected.

I was so overwhelmed with the amount of work I had taken on and what I knew needed to continually be done.

How did my dreams of a forest oasis turn into this weedy mess of tangled despair that no one could save me from?

I wanted to throw up my hands in total desperation and scream,  “permaculture sucks, I'm going back to grass!”

Luckily for me, In the summer of 2023 my Dad planted grass for me.  It was the one area of the yard that brought me any sense of calm.  It was the one part I could easily cut and maintain without expending the excessive amounts of energy that I simply did not have.  It was the one place that gave me an anchor into sanity - I also found the process of grass cutting extremely meditative.

If you would have spoken to me pre 2020 you would find me sitting up on my high horse telling people something to the effect of - did you know that grass was created to serve French Royalty that were so wealthy they did not need to tend animals or grow their own food on their land.  

I would scoff at the idea of planting grass and then having to cut it - as if what I had created offered a less work solution.  And for some reason I thought it was morally better to be a peasant than royalty.  

Right now, I can tell you quite frankly I don’t care what they do in France, what I care about is my own energy and what I am capable of.  

I deserve to think of myself first.  This has been a major lesson for me.

There is never going to be a one size fits all process.  If you leave yourself and your own energy out of the equation and build something above your capacity of sustainability without any thought to the future, it is going to give out eventually.

This year is all about building solid foundations.  Loving and knowing myself enough to build sustainable solutions.  So far these solutions have come in the form of concrete and grass.

I still love the concept of permaculture and my fruit trees are doing phenomenal.  My dark night is over and my mental health has stabilized and my energy has skyrocketed. 

I am no longer looking to anyone else to save me.

I am slowly reclaiming my food forest without expectation.  Foot by foot I am weeding out the quack grass and bellflower.  At this point I am not sure what the eventual outcome will be of the space.  But I will put my head down and keep digging.  

The lessons I have learned from this garden so far have been life altering and I would not change them for the world.  I have total faith and trust in myself to create something magnificent, something that begins within me, truly knowing myself and what I am capable of. 

I am excited for what will come.

Check out my work HERE!